Pixar's Elio is not out of this world

According to a Fox New article, multiple Pixar employees are upset about their newest release, Elio. Considering it's poor performance at the box office, they all should be, but that's not the reason for their consternation. You see, Elio wasn't supposed to be a typical character. He was going to be unique. Based off of his eyepatch, Pixar was going for some sort of gay space pirate. Pixar must have thought that Lightyear underperformed due to the presence of gay astronauts. What the American public really want is a gay pirate!

We all know that Pixar execs don't learn their lesson very quickly so get ready for year after year of gay characters in every profession imaginable (please no gay plumbers, my heart can't take it). Hopefully it won't spread to Marvel as the MGU could very well be their next thing. Dr. Strange would have a completely different role and Iron Man would have way too many flames. Thor will probably be the same.

According to some Pixar employees, Elio was originally designed to be queer-coded. If you are confused about what this could possibly mean, I'm here with you. Perhaps that's the Q in the silly acronym. The + makes it sound like a streaming service that Maryland children are forced to watch.

To be clear, Elio doesn't have the gay references it originally contained, but the movie-going public is still wary. Too many times has Pixar disoriented viewers by giving us rainbows when it's not raining. Gay me once, shame on you. Gay me twice, shame on me.

This all begs the question, how in the world did Pixar hire so many gay animators? Was this a mistake? Did they hold a job fair at a men's bathhouse or poach the cast of a Broadway play? What happened to employers representing the community where they serve?

Pixar execs really need to pull their heads out (or whatever else is in there). Not even libs want to see these movies and that's really saying something. At some point, you have to give audiences what they want. If you keep giving them sushi when they ask for pizza, they'll eventually stop asking to see the menu.

This is a representation of Pixar's movie release schedule for the next several years.